dade

"alis na kami, 'de"

it was Christmas of 2011 - after a fun and happy day with family and close relatives and pao.that was the last thing i said to my dad not knowing he'll be the one to leave us soon.the next time i saw him was in the hospital on tuesday.he was in a coma.i would have wanted to stay with him in the hospital but i need to go home because somebody should stay with the kids.about 2 hours after i left, i received a call from one of my sisters and then i knew.my dad was gone.

dec 31, 2011 marked the day i last saw my dad.

i miss him.i miss him even just a few hours after his last breath.

i've been wanting to write about my dad but i don't know how to start.it's like a surge of flashbacks from my childhood to recent conversations to how mad he got when i was still a stubborn kid who won't stop playing outside to his sermons during telebabad nights back in college to fetching him at the airport to the letters he sent when he was abroad..and i just don't know where to start.and sometimes..sometimes, i just start crying.i think i haven't grieved properly yet.i was trying to stay strong for my family especially my mom, and my youngest brother who wasn't here in manila when dade passed away.for the past week i've cried and felt very sad thinking i wouldn't be able to see him again.ever.wouldn't be able to talk to him again.who would i ask regarding geography?who would blurt out latitudes and longitudes in the middle of lunch?who would open up the door for me when i get home?who would i share my spicy take-home foods with?who will i ask how a certain country looks like?i sometimes expect him to come in from the store anytime.but i was reminded by a dear friend that my memories of my dad is all i have now.to me,dade will always be that - my dad.my strength.my provider.my inspiration.my guide.my teacher.my (used to be) penpal.my own storyteller of his adventures about the places he visited.my friend..and sometimes,yeah sometimes, foe.nobody shares the same memory i have of him and that makes it special.and that is my treasure.

wherever you are dade, know that all of us are always praying for you.we love you!i love you!i'm gonna miss you.BIG TIME.visit me in my dreams sometime. :)

one of the last pictures with dade